Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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