I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
