just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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