if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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