They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
