cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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