I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
