Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
