i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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