Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
