Sry I called you an 8
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
