i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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