so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
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Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
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Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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