So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
