it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
