Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
