You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
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