im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
