Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
