This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
