I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
