wanna go halves on a baby?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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