so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
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Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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