no, he came in my armpit
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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