Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
