Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
