did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
