took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
