ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
