i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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