Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
