Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
