I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
