Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So many bounce houses so little time
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
