I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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