Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
