I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So much rum. So many feels.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
