Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
