Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
