So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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