I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
