last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
