I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
A bitchslap is in order.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
