Jerry, you need to find god
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
