i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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