Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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