I bet he comes in French.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
