maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
