I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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