Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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