Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Who died my cat blue again?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
