I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
