We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
where are my eyebrows?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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