I think i peed on brittanys purse
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
