Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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