This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
