Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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