I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
