so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
