She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just threw up on my dentist
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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