i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
