if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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