she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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