respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
We smell like vodka and hangover
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